TMO Time Out - SCO Sues God
by , 9:00 PM EST, March 23rd, 2004
In a surprise move, SCO has initiated a suit upon God, the almighty creator and lord of the universe. Even traditional Utah supporters have concerns over this latest salvo. One noted Utah state government official stated "Normally we support all Utah computer cartels, uhm, I mean companies, but SCO's latest action strikes us as a bit aggressive."
However, SCO argues that as being the creator of the known universe, ultimately, even God must take responsibility for illegal derivative works. SCO produced an impressive Unix time-line dating back to the dawn of creation showing that the almighty had a hand in setting events in motion that resulted in SCO's code being illegally intermingled, not only with Linux, but with the fabric of space and time itself.
A SCO representative noted that "time and space are malleable to God, and as such we believe that God simply copied our valuable intellectual property back into all matter and laws of physics."
When pressed for a list of infringing products, SCO's lawyers finally produced a one page list containing just one word, "everything." The official went on to justify the company's position, stating "Did you ever notice how one thing kind of works with another thing? Well we think that's a clear derivative of the way SCO's Unix pipes work. Kind of like one program working with another. We've also found substantial similarities between life's genus/phylum/order and /etc/x11/xserver file hierarchies."
A SCO attorney stated "we will finally show the infringing code segments in various cloud formations. Frankly, God had access to the code and the copyright infringement clearly hurts SCO economically." One anonymous SCO insider stated that SCO has uncovered that "the whole 'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife' bit was really just a rework. It was originally 'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's code' but God just burned the bush and rewrote it all as smoke screen." SCO's representatives claim that the almighty "did a white-out" on the agreement and is purposefully trying to misinterpret contractual obligations.
SCO's counsel read from the complaint noting that it was suing for "one infinity dollars." Interestingly, SCO's counsel, David Boies, read the figure with a raised eyebrow and one pinky to the cleft of his lips. Boies confirmed that he was taking the case on a reduced contingency fee of "just 25%." As part of an interview, Boies confirmed that SCO would be issuing subpoenas on "ham sandwiches and your hat" next.
A SCO official noted that he requested a meeting with the almighty to propose solutions that will be agreeable and economically feasible for the almighty; but should the almighty refuse, SCO feels "justified in suing the bejesus out of him." In a prepared statement to the press, SCO noted that they made God an offer that the almighty should not refuse.
Although David Boies believes SCO has a strong case against God and claims he will stand by his client throughout this latest affront to its intellectual property, the associated press reported that none of SCO's attorneys are standing within 20 feet of any SCO officials. One offered, "you know, just in case."
The almighty could not be reached for comment.
The Mac Observer Spin:SCO has taken farce to heights heretofore undreamt, so pardon us while we indulge ourselves in the above bit of parody. After suing US Government installations, one wonders just how much more far out SCO can get. Thankfully Mac OS X is based on BSD, which thus far seems to be immune because of an earlier settlement between AT&T and Berkeley. BSD may be the only thing that stays immune to SCO's suits until the issue is actually decided on in the courts.
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