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Just a Thought - Conversations With Steve: 2 Minutes To Curtain...
by
- October 20th, 2005The huge red curtain undulates slightly, as if sighing, as the air conditioner thrums to life. Steve stands beneath an overhead vent just beyond the curtains and closes his eyes while the cool air from the vent washes over him. Beyond the curtains, seats are filling, and the murmur of the sizable crowd grows more insistent as the event time nears.
Steve Jobs has done countless announcements on stage. To say that most have been enthusiastically received would be a gross understatement, but each time, just like now, he has gotten a bad case of the nervous jitters; gut willies, his friend calls them. He knows they will disappear once he is standing in the spotlight, but the knowledge does not help much at the moment.
The gut willies roil slowly in his gut, seemingly in time with the curtain's undulation, and Steve squeezes his eyes tighter.
A verse from the Eagles tune, Hotel California, materializes in his mind;
And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast...
He does not want to think about the next 2 lines.
"Gut willies?"
Steve is startled: The stage crew know to leave him alone in the few minutes before he is to go on stage. When his eyes open he is not surprised to find a familiar face before him.
"How'd you get in here?" Steve asks as he extends his hand.
"I know the stage manager," the man replies as he grasp Steve's hand and pumps it energetically. "I was in the area, getting my Mini serviced, and thought I'd drop by to see what you are up to."
Steve cocks an eyebrow, "The stage manager, eh? So, who don't you know?"
The man smiles, "Bill Gates. Wanna introduce me?"
Steve shrugs. "If you want, but be warned, he's nowhere near the sense of humor that I have."
"So you say, and... you are probably right. So, why do you hang out with him?"
"Bill has his moments." Steve's eyes focuses on some distant spot and a strange smile forms. "Like the time we were at a convention in Vegas, and Bill got this cocktail olive stuck..."
Steve's blinks and remembers where he is. "Umm, never mind."
"One day you are gonna hafta finish that story."
"I don't think so. At least, not in your lifetime."
The Mini Driver walks over to the red curtains and peeks out at the crowd. "Hmmm, interesting looking bunch. Media types?"
Steve nods solemnly.
The man glances back at Steve. "Gees, you look as if they are going to eat you alive."
Steve responds with a spiritless smile.
The man changes subjects. "So, what's all this about anyway?"
A sparkle materializes in Steve's eyes. "You remember when I told you that I had some stuff in the pipeline?"
The Mini man nods. "Yeah. When you showed me the iPod nano. I got the one you had sent to me, by the way, and thanks for the Harry Potter Collection."
"De nada. I thought you'd get a kick out of that."
"Yeah Boyee," The Mini Driver says excitedly, "I've got Book Three loaded on my nano right now, as a matter of fact."
"Cool, cool. Now, back to the pipeline: Today I'm going to open the tap on that pipeline just a taste."
The man looks at Steve questioningly. "Is it another iPod? The media's been going nuts over guessing what you've got up your sleeves. Some say it's a video iPod."
Steve smiles but says nothing.
"It is, isn't it?
Steve grins.
"Lemme see."
Steve strolls over to a table near the curtains, takes a look around to insure no one is nearby, then removes a small device from under a dark velvet cover. He hands it to the man.
"Whoa! Look at the size of that screen! It plays video, right?"
Steve says nothing.
The man powers up the player and the color screen comes to life. He deftly negotiates the menus, then stops. "Ah-hah!" He holds up the iPod to show a listing of video content. "I knew it!"
He selects the Pixar video, 'For the Birds', and starts it. The man grins like a kid in a candy store. "So very cool," the man coos as the video plays.
When the video is done the man navigates through additional menus, smiling and nodding as he does. He marvels at the device, turning it this way and that, then, finally, he hands the iPod back to Steve. "Very, very cool, my friend. It's smaller than the current iPods, isn't it?"
Steve nods. "See, I've been thinking," Steve confesses, "People really don't use the hard drive based iPods for storing their entire music library, they use their computers for that. Folks use the iPod to play what they want to play when they want to play it, and to do other things as well, like carry data. 60 gigs is a lot of space, even for carrying data. I figure if I'm thinking that, people who could be deciding on an iPod might think the same thing. That led me to think that the better option for a music player would be Flash based; they far more rugged, and I can make it as small as I want."
"Hence, the nano," the other chimed in.
"Exactly," Steve said with his trademark showmanship flare. "Exactly."
Steve's friend looks thoughtful for a moment, then says," But the question remains: What to do with the hard drive based iPods?"
"You must be reading my mind, Buddy Boy. That's what I asked myself, and the folks in Research.
"I know that I've said that people don't want to watch movies on little screens, and I still believe that; Movie designed for the big screen just don't work well on small screens.
"So I started asking myself what would they watch on a little screen? The answer surprised me; little movies! The Internet is literally oozing with short films, music videos, animations, and TV commercials. I figure people wouldn't mind filling a spare 5 minutes here, 2 minutes there watching these video snippets. But that got me to thinking that people might want to watch something a wee bit longer, say 30 to 45 minutes, and THAT says TV programs."
The other man's eyes grew large. "Wait: Are you telling me that people can download TV shows onto your little video iPod and watch them whenever they want?"
Steve pauses for a few seconds for dramatic effect, then simply says, "Yep."
"Whoa!"
"Exactly. Of course, we had to develop a new version of iTunes to accommodate the video."
The man, eyes still wide, nods his agreement.
"And get some more programming, like the Pixar shorts.
"Yeah, Pixar," the man says absently. "You know what will happen now, right? Video Podcasting; I can see Saturday Night Live knock-offs, news and commentary, local sports...wait; can you plug it into a TV and watch shows that way?"
"Yep."
"WHOA!!! So what you are holding in your hand is a tiny TiVo."
Steve grins wolfishly. "Yep. And here's the kicker: People can buy TV shows through iTunes for $1.99 per episode. We've only got Disney on board at the moment, but we're talking to other studios as well."
The Mini Driver only stares back at Steve. Seconds pass in silence.
"So, there you have it; video to go," Steve says.
The Mini Driver shakes his head slowly, "Man! You guys have really been busy. Soooo, what are you going to call this one? The vPod?"
Steve grimaces. "Geez, no! It's an iPod that just happens to play video. It's the next step in the iPod's evolution, but it is still an iPod. I'm replacing existing iPods with this new one. It's an iPod, just with more capability."
"Well, you won't get an argument from me."
"Good, cuz I'm in a groove and the last thing I need is for you to mux up my train of thought."
At that moment the Mini man notices another covered table. He walks towards it but Steve blocks his progress. " You can't look at that just now."
"What is it? A new kind of iPod?"
Steve says nothing.
"A new Mac?"
Steve smiles.
"Ah-hah! You got a new Mac under there. Is it the Mactel?"
"Something I think is better."
"Better than a Mactel? Oh, you gotta let me see it."
"Sorry Buddy Boy, but you are just going to have to wait like everyone else."
At that moment a man wearing a headset appears in a doorway offstage. "Two minutes Mister Jobs."
Steve nods but continues to block access to the table. When the man with the headset disappears Steve says to his friend, "You'd better go and find a seat out there with the rest of the crowd, because that's the only way you'll get to see what on this table."
"Man!" Steve's friend says and heads for doorway. He turns back to Steve and says, "This had better be good."
Steve nods. "Oh, believe me, you are gonna love this."
The man leaves, and Steve walks to the side of the stage from which he will make his entrance when the curtains are drawn. Inexplicably, the tune and lyrics to Hotel California pops into his head again:
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place (background)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
You can find it here
You can find it here
Steve smiles. "Any time of year," he sings softly to himself, "you can find it here."
The curtains open.
is a writer who currently lives in Orlando, FL. He's been a Mac fan since Atari Computers folded, but has worked with computers of nearly every type for 20 years.
You can send your comments directly to me, or you can also post your comments below.
Most Recent Columns From Just A Thought
- Apple's New Cards: Aces and Kings? - September 14th
- Power to the People - September 1st
- Too Soon To Zune - August 28th
The Just A Thought Archives
Observer Comments
Thu Oct 20, 2005 6:49 pm Subject: Re: God These Are Stupid
QuoteAnonymous wrote:
Forget for the moment that you can't possibly know what Steve Jobs thinks or says in private. Forget that this is the worst kind of fanboy knob-polishing drivel. These things are so sappy and poorly written, I just want to gag. I know I shouldn't even click to Vern's crappy posts, but it's the car wreck effect. I just can't look away from the awfulness.
Please, stop writing this crap.
Thank you for your wonderful and flattering comments. I can tell that you are my number one fan and I shall endeavor to produce more 'Conversations...' stories for you reading pleasure.
It's always nice to find someone who enjoys my work; it's a validation of the time and effort I put into each and every article.
Thanks again and keep reading, I promise I'll keep writing.
Sincerely
Vern Seward
Thu Oct 20, 2005 6:53 pm Subject: Re: Erm...
Quotemacinnerd wrote:
Erm, can someone help me out on this one? Who is the Mini Driver? Does he drive an Austin Mini?
Hi Macinnerd,
The Mini Driver refers to a character I created in the first 'Conversations with Steve' piece back in Jan. of this year, when the Mac mini was introduced.
http://www.macobserver.com/columns/justathought/2005/20050114.shtml
Hope that helps.
Vern Seward
Vern,
I wasn't aware of this series, but this was a great read. It's a refreshing addition to the stale "me too" rumor guessing or press release puffing that usually floods the mac web.
I look forward to reading more.
Edit: Sorry for the double post. Having some site login and response issues presently. Thanks.
Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:22 pm Subject: Deleted dialog and outtakes
Mini Driver: Hi Steve. Is that an Ipod Nano in your change pocket, or are you happy to see me?!?
-----
Steve: Steve, I'm wearing my trademark black mock turtleneck, and I'd like you to wear this white mock turtleneck.
Steve: But I am Steve Jobs. I don't wear white mock turtlenecks. I wear black.
Steve: No, you are my clone. I am Steve Jobs.
Steve: Look buddy. I work pretty hard to run Apple while you're off running Pixar.
Steve: No, I think you are confused. I am the one who runs Apple while you sit in the office at Pixar and iChat with Eisner and Iger all day.
Steve: I'm the one who had Al Gore over to dinner the other night so he could invent the new screen for the iPod.
Steve: Hey, I have killed clones before, and I'll do it again if you don't behave.
Steve: So did you bring my white shirt?
----
Steve: So, after we show the new iPod, I call up Bob Eee-gore.
Bob: That's Eye-guhr, Steve.
Steve: Please Bob, call me Mr. Jobs. Decorum. How is this going to look when Apple buys Disney? Don't slip up again or you'll be sailing the world with Eisner.
Bob: Sorry Mr. Jobs.
Steve: No problem. Now, did you say your last name was Eee-yore?
----
(ring, ring)
Steve: GOD &^%$$#$, how in the hell is my cell phone ringing? I told you guys there was to be no cell phone service. I spent several hundred thousand dollars having this building retrofitted to block cell phones, the Internet, ESP, and cosmic rays, and what did I get for my money? If this isn't fixed, I'm not doing the show. Get this fixed now!!
Steve (answering phone): Hello?
Voice: Apple stock is up to $52 on speculation you are gonna announce a video iPod.
Steve (into phone): Sell, sell, sell. (hangs up)
Steve: Sorry about that. Now get...
Voice from stage: We just turned the blocking device on sir. You're all clear.
Steve: Thanks. OK, let's get this party started!
Thu Oct 20, 2005 11:15 pm Subject: Sell, sell, sell ...
Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:38 am Subject: Whatever floats yet boat.
Wow this one seems to be going over alot better than the last one. Oh well. I guess as long as OTHER people like these things. I'm still not quite sure what the point of fictional stories about Steve Jobs is, but hey whatever. Maybe someday there will be a movie adaptation or at least a radio show podcast version. Oooh! Goosebumps!
QuoteOh god now you've used "drivel" AND "diatribe". Now all you have to do is use "tripe" in a reply and your transformation into a tool will be complete. Please, go away. Go away now! Ah, my brain! It hurts!Guest wrote:
I for one will go away. But Vern and MacObserver should know that I am going away.
I think that these diatribes are really awful. Only if those of us who don't like them go away, you'll never know just how many people hate them.
Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:13 pm Subject: Re: Truth... and other detractors
QuoteGuest wrote:
Quote
Anonymous wrote:
Forget for the moment that you can't possibly know what Steve Jobs thinks or says in private. Forget that this is the worst kind of fanboy knob-polishing drivel. These things are so sappy and poorly written, I just want to gag. I know I shouldn't even click to Vern's crappy posts, but it's the car wreck effect. I just can't look away from the awfulness.
Please, stop writing this crap.
And then Vern goes:
"Thank you for your wonderful and flattering comments. I can tell that you are my number one fan and I shall endeavor to produce more 'Conversations...' stories for you reading pleasure.
It's always nice to find someone who enjoys my work; it's a validation of the time and effort I put into each and every article.
Thanks again and keep reading, I promise I'll keep writing.
Sincerely
Vern Seward"
This is like Arrested Developement or The Office in real life, a guy reveling in his denial. : )
Vern, dude, go take a journalism class, let a lecturer read your work and learn how to write a decent column.
Don't let Apple fanboys delude you into churning out more of this stuff.
Then again, if you're like in 5th Grade or something (what with internet personas and all...) I'll say "Good on ya! But still check out a writing course..."
Wally
You know, it is really quite simple: If you don't like what I've written then don't read any more of them. This is not a hard concept to grasp.
The 'Conversations...' articles are not 'fanboy fiction', they are just thoughts that I have on how Jobs may decide on things. After all, the column is called 'Just a Thought'.
The 'Conversations...' articles are not journalistic in nature, obviously; they are presented as a diversion. Nothing else. Many people seem to be able to understand this and accept them for what they are.
To those of you who enjoy these "Conversations..." articles; thank you for your comments and encouragement.
For those of you who don't or can't 'get' them: feel free to continue posting how you feel about them, but be assured that I will ignore your posts, and as long as my editor supports them, I will continue to write these "diatribes".
Vern Seward
QuoteVSeward wrote:Quotemacinnerd wrote:
Erm, can someone help me out on this one? Who is the Mini Driver? Does he drive an Austin Mini?
Hi Macinnerd,
The Mini Driver refers to a character I created in the first 'Conversations with Steve' piece back in Jan. of this year, when the Mac mini was introduced.
http://www.macobserver.com/columns/justathought/2005/20050114.shtml
Hope that helps.
Vern Seward
Yeah, thanks! It did help quite a bit. So he drives a Mini Cooper. The one made by Austin or BMW? I think that the one made by Austin would make the story more cool. Anyway, part one was just as good as part two. Thanks a lot for another great read (and laugh) !
Macinnerd
Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:19 pm Subject: Re: Erm...
Quotemacinnerd wrote:QuoteVSeward wrote:Quotemacinnerd wrote:
Erm, can someone help me out on this one? Who is the Mini Driver? Does he drive an Austin Mini?
Hi Macinnerd,
The Mini Driver refers to a character I created in the first 'Conversations with Steve' piece back in Jan. of this year, when the Mac mini was introduced.
http://www.macobserver.com/columns/justathought/2005/20050114.shtml
Hope that helps.
Vern Seward
Yeah, thanks! It did help quite a bit. So he drives a Mini Cooper. The one made by Austin or BMW? I think that the one made by Austin would make the story more cool. Anyway, part one was just as good as part two. Thanks a lot for another great read (and laugh) !
Macinnerd
The BMW Mini.
When I started writing these, I stopped by the local Mini dealership and crawled around one. The salesman was nice enough to let me take one for a spin too.
Great car! Fun as all get-out to drive.
Vern Seward
Quotemacinnerd wrote:
Yeah, the BMW Mini is bigger, too. The ones I see around here make a weird whining sound while parking.[/code]
Whinning noise? Really? I see them all the time, parked or zipping by in traffic, and I've never noticed any whinning noises.
Very odd. I will listen more closely now.
Vern Seward
Fri Oct 21, 2005 4:46 pm Subject: And YOUR command of English vocabulary is less than stellar
QuoteGuest wrote:
I for one will go away. But Vern and MacObserver should know that I am going away.
I think that these diatribes are really awful. Only if those of us who don't like them go away, you'll never know just how many people hate them.
Guest:
Do you even know what the word "diatribe" means? It is a "a forceful and bitter verbal attack against someone or something." I certainly wouldn't consider the rather gentle and amusing "Just a Thought" either forceful or bitter. A good example of a diatribe is the conflict the piece has engendered among the TMO-reading community.
If you don't like these imaginary conversations, when you see them on the webpage, just don't read them. Simple as that. Skip them, ignore them. Try it, it won't hurt you - no need to go off on a sulk.
Frankly, I applaud Vern's efforts - to me, it's emblematic of the whole Cult of Mac, and in fact, being a Mac user. Being creative, thinking differently. Is the world be better off for Vern's efforts, no - but they make MY day a little brighter, and that should count for something.
Sat Oct 22, 2005 3:18 am Subject: Enjoyable reading Vern. Keep it up!
It seems that on any given internet "bulletin board" one can never underestimate the capacity for people to be rude, mean-spirited, snide or even downright nasty. It's one thing if they are reacting to an article that puts forth an extreme opinion or attacks a certain group of people. However, here we have a witty little article about a fantasy conversation with Steve Jobs. I found it a light, entertaining, quick read - and I assume that is how Vern intended it.
I think many share my view that Steve Jobs is a fascinating and somewhat mysterious person, and an article like Vern's is just plain fun.
I read many things on the web that I find boring and/or poorly written and I simply click on to my next destination. I wish those with a proclivity towards nastiness would simply do the same.
Keep up the good work Vern - many of us appreciate your efforts!
Sun Oct 23, 2005 12:28 pm Subject: “Mactel” is a telephone
Sun Oct 23, 2005 4:16 pm Subject: Mactel: Here we go again
QuoteRainy Day wrote:
A “Mactel” is a telephone service. A Macintel is an Intel based Macintosh. Please use the correct terms!
PS: Enjoyed the article.
Macintel has too many syllables, making it unwieldy and unattractive. Mactel says it all in 2 short syllables. It is cleaner and neater than Macintel.
I will stick with Mactel.
Thanks, but no correction needed, at least on this count.
Vern Seward