Did You Just Hit an Elephant, or Is That Carmageddon II? January 22nd, 1999
Gary: Hey, Randy, I've been looking all over for you. You didn't say you would be in the lab. What do you have working there?
Randy: I'm trying to retrofit this office chair with a hydraulic lift from a 737 landing gear so I can make my own Sens-O-matic Gaming Chair. See? I've already installed some Bose loudspeakers in the headrest, a joystick in one arm and a trackball on the other. I'm pretty sure I've just about got it. Let me just sit down here, and fire up MDK.
Gary: Have you ever done this before? It looks pretty complicated. Maybe we should just buy a game chair from Intensor. They make a killer gaming chair.
Randy: Buy one? I think not, non-believer! Check it out. The chair moves as I run around. It tilts when I dodge enemy fire.
Gary: Wow, that thing seems to work! I can't believe it.
Randy: Let me just jump on this ledge, and-
Gary: Whoa! That was awesome! You will believe an Idiot can fly.
(crashing sounds in the distance as Randy lands)
Gary: Hmm, well that was interesting. While Randy makes his way from the other end of the Idiots' Cave, I guess I'll get started. Lately, there has been much talk of the fact that there is no U.S. publisher for the sequel to one of The Idiots' favorite games, Carmageddon. So, does that mean that Macintosh gamers will not be able to play Carmageddon II: Carpocalypse Now?
Randy: Not if we can help it! We're here to show our readers how they can get their hands on "this year's bloodiest sequel." By the way, thanks for waiting for me while I peeled myself off the floor. Next time you want to help me with any tests, don't help.
Gary: Hey, you look like one of those hippies in Carmageddon after I've backed over him a few times.
Randy: Laugh it up, man. The chair just needs a few minor modifications.
Gary: Just make sure I am here to witness any further tests. I wouldn't want to miss anything.
Randy: Get back to your Carmageddon II preview spiel, will you?
Gary: You got it, man. As to the availability of Carmageddon II: Carpocalypse Now for Mac gamers, the official word from SCi's website (the creator of Carmageddon) is that it will be available to Mac gamers in February.
Randy: Alright! That's great news! I had found just about every secret area in every racetrack in the first one. I haven't waited this eagerly for anything since, well, since I was waiting to land a few minutes ago.
Gary: That was pretty cool. Did you see how you cleared the game room? I mean, you were sailing! You must have gone fifty yards!
Randy: Now, now, Gary, that's nothing to be proud of.
Hmm, fifty yards
Gary: Speaking of sailing through the air, Carmageddon II promises even better game play and graphics. The tracks should be more varied and detailed, as should your opponents. In fact, the pedestrians are now polygon-based, so they are true 3D entities, not just 2D facsimilies.
Randy: Which means that you may be able to just take an arm or leg off that policeman who is yelling for you to stop, instead of smashing him to bits instantly. A little suffering never hurt anybody.
Also the game will feature lots more vehicles, like 18-wheelers and planes and more wildlife, too. Yes, I said wildlife. Like deer, penguins, and even elephants. All for your splattering glory. Be sure to use some of the new power-ups too. My favorite is the one that pops huge springs out of your car and punches anything around you to kingdom come.
And that is the only caveat of Carmageddon that we feel obliged to mention. The game is violent, violent, violent and bloody, bloody, bloody, even though the violence is tongue-in-cheek.
Gary: And tongue-on-ground, tongue-on-windshield, tongue-in-hair...
Randy: Be aware that it looks like a graphics accelerator is a must-have for this one if you want RAVE or 3Dfx effects. However, it does have a software-rendering mode as well. SCi says a 603 processor is necessary for minimum software mode rendering requirements, while a 604 running at least at 150MHz, G3 or iMac is recommended for proper gameplay. Speaking from our experience with the original Carmageddon, a capable processor is a must for truly responsive driving. 48MB RAM is also required. (Be sure to check out Carmageddon II's mucho fun website for more pre-release info. You'll want the Flash plug-in for this one!)
Gary: Also, accelerated effects like transparencies will be worth getting a 3D card. For example, now you can see through the windows of the opponents' cars. I hope I can see the look of despair on those freaks' faces as I pummel them into oblivion.
Randy: Calm down. You're starting to drool. If it makes you feel any better, we can pre-order the game directly from SCi. And, if we do that, we get the uncensored version direct from the source. Even though, violence laws are not as strict in the U.S. as they are in much of Europe (where you are limited to killing zombies with green blood), Interplay still altered the game slightly when they published it for PC's.
Gary: Extra violence? Wow, I can't believe it. It seems too good to be true.
Randy: Buddy, you're glazing over on me here. You better sit down. Here let me help you, man.
Gary: Thanks, man I got a little out of control for a minute. Hey, this chair you made is pretty damn comfortable. Not bad for an Idiot...hey, wait a minute...
Randy: Fifty yards, huh? I bet he clears sixty.
(loud splat from across The Cave)
Randy: Eewww. I guess The Cave isn't sixty yards long after all. That's gonna leave a mark.
Gary Randazzo and Randy Soare are the co-founders of IWS Interactive, a New York based game developer for Macintosh. The IWS in IWS Interactive stands for Idiots With Sticks. How that came about is a long and boring story, but suffice it to say that at four in the morning, it seemed like a good idea.
The demo for IWS Interactive's upcoming mystery-adventure game, Manhattan Apartment Hunter, has recently been released to rave reviews. The Idiots have been into gaming on Apple computers even before the Mac was around. Does anyone remember Choplifter on the Apple IIe? (Boy, we know we do.) Now, they are committed to help ensure that the Mac remains the premiere gaming platform on the planet.
You can email your comment and suggestions to Randy at , and Gary at .