Apple Set to Jump Into Another Market: Exclusive!

August 5th, 2007 at 3:00 PM - Columns and Opinions by Vern Seward

When Apple announces that they will hold a media event it is cause for all sorts of excitement and speculation among Apple watchers. We offer our thoughts, beliefs, and desires about what sort of techno-goodness Apple is about to bestow upon us with wild abandon.

We are seldom right in our prognostications though we posit them with an air of well considered certainty. I know Iive been guilty of willful speculation in advance of many Apple announcements and Iive been more wrong than right.

That has bothered me of late. How can I be trusted by you, good reader, if my predictions are no more accurate than the bum on the street. (Hmm... the term ibumi is so anti-P.C., maybe I should use isocially or financially disadvantagedi or idormicilly challengedi or perhaps iindividual of vinolly induced antisocial behaviori.)

To rectify this situation I decided go to the Black Turtleneck himself and ask if he would reveal to me, in advance, just what he has planned for us on August 7. He was surprisingly forthcoming.

"Apple has the lionis share of the portable music player market," he told me. "And weive taken off like a rocket in the smart phone market. Macs are starting to come on strong in just about every computer market there is, so I had to sit back and seriously think about where I wanted Apple to go next. It didnit take me long to figure that one out: Pogo sticks.

"See? When I was a kid I had a pogo stick, but I could never get the darn thing to work. Iid jump it and bounce once maybe twice, but thatis it. It was very frustrating. The pogo stick design has not changed for a very long time and I think itis a market thatis ripe for some innovation. Even better, Microsoft hasnit considered the pogo stick market at all, so Apple can pretty much take it over completely.

"So, on Tuesday Iim going to announce an Apple branded USB powered Pogo stick. It will have no buttons (I donit like buttons) and it will have a sealed battery that should last for 3000 full charges before needing a change. Thatis a lot of pogoing.

"I was gonna call it iHop, but that pancake business has been around for a while and Iid probably lose that fight. So. Iim going to call it iPogo. Some silly little software company has that name already, but Iim sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. Yeah, iPogo. Thatill work!"

So, there you have it: iPogo. Apple is set to revolutionize the pogo industry, and change how we look at pogo sticks forever. Apple techno-goodness on a stick.

I want one already.

Vern Seward is a writer who currently lives in Orlando, FL. He’s been a Mac fan since Atari Computers folded, but has worked with computers of nearly every type for 20 years.