I normally donit think of myself as a conspiracy theorist, but let me just throw something out there. Lucent just announced that they had misplaced a large sum of money. The company reported that it had lost US$8.8 billion in its most recent quarterly report. At the same time, Apple posted a US$66 million profit. Now I may not be the sharpest tack in the box, but I donit think that it takes a rocket scientist to figure out who found some of that money that Lucent lost. Are you following me? Looks to me like Lucentis loss was Appleis gain. Finders, Keepers, and all that.

And if I can be honest, it serves them right. Any company that can simply lose US$8.8 billion deserves what they get. I mean, just how sloppy do you have to be to misplace that kind of cash? I lost a twenty once, so I know what itis like, but anything more than a hundred is really just getting out of hand. So Apple finds a few hundred million lying around, and just because Lucent says "hey, look at me, I lost US$8.8 billion, can anybody help me?" doesnit mean that Apple has to return any of it, that is, if Apple did indeed find it, wink, wink.

As a matter of fact, for those among the Apple faithful, I believe that this development all but ensures that Apple will remain profitable for some time to come. Do you want further proof? The fact that they only announced $66 million in profit is pure genius. Spread it out for a while. If Apple had decided to jump right out with an announcement that they posted an US$8.8 billion profit on the heels of Lucentis release that they had just lost US$8.8 billion, people would have started to talk.

Actually Apple may be better off than we can even imagine. Nortel recently announced that they lost $19.43 billion in one quarter. Thatis almost enough to make Bill Gates do a double take, and it would certainly buy a lot of PowerPC processors and RAM to make more iMacs. Especially at todayis prices. I mean, have you seen the price of RAM recently? Anyway, I think it obvious that Nortelis sloppy money-handling skills may well benefit Apple in the same way as Lucentis, if you know what I mean.

In Appleis recent quarterly report they announced that they had increased their R&D budget. They are now spending several million dollars more on R&D than they have in the past. Now see if you can stay with me. The "R" in R&D stands for "research." Research is obviously necessary in order to find large sums of money that have been lost, US$8.8 billion in the case of Lucent. I spent a few minutes on the Internet this morning searching for private investigative firms in the Bay Area, more specifically Silicon Valley, home of Apple HQ. Letis just say that there are plenty.

I made a few phone calls and pointedly asked a couple of the receptionists at two of the larger firms if they specifically knew anything about Lucentis US$8.8 billion loss and Appleis US$66 million profit. They claimed that they didnit know what I was talking about. Yeah, OK. I think that says it all. You donit think that they would just blurt it out do you? They clearly had something to hide.

All I can say is keep up the great work, Apple. Continue to think different(ly); it is definitely working.

Now if youill excuse me, I have some additional research to conduct. I canit say much, but let me give you a clue. Apple has released OS X, while today Microsoft is releasing Windows XP. Notice the X in both? Coincidence? I donit think so.

Anthony Overbay is a Mac software executive by day, and an amateur sleuth by night. When not uncovering conspiracies of great magnitude, he writes a regular column for his local newspaper.