Citing Cost & Design Flaws, U.S. Backs Down on Death Star Plans

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Death Star Obama Petition

The Obama Administration’s We the People website was created as a way to allow citizens with unaddressed issues to gain the attention of government officials. Through a petition system, individuals can create a statement or question on any topic and then submit it for the review of tens of thousands of other visitors to the website. If at least 25,000 people sign a petition, it will receive a response from the administration.

While the system has been used before to prompt responses on topics such as education, health care, and foreign affairs, none have really been important. Until now.

The petition to “Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016,” created on November 14, 2012, has reached nearly 35,000 signatures. This weekend, the Obama administration responded.

Both awesome and unfortunate, Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget, put a damper on the idea in a response titled “This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For”:

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.

  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.

  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

The entire response is full of great references to the science fiction film series but also points out the real contributions and achievements made by government and private industries in recent years, including Mars rover missions, the International Space Station, and education initiatives to encourage children to pursue degrees in science and technology.

The message ends, however, with an important reminder:

Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

Tim Cook Death Star

With Apple now the most valuable company in the world, perhaps if it finally does “crack” television, wearable computers, renewable energy, a cure for all disease, and a solution to world hunger, then maybe it will soon have enough money to bankroll its own iDeath Star.

After all, Sir Jonathan Ive would likely have a bit more luck designing a moon-sized weapon of unimaginable destructive power compared to an overworked and inefficient government agency. Maybe the construction of Apple's new headquarters is just a practice run?

Original images property of LucasFilm Ltd.

[via The Loop]

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Comments

iJack

“While the system has been used before to prompt responses on topics such as education, health care, and foreign affairs, none have really been important. Until now.”

I dunno. The recent petition to deport Piers Morgan or not was pretty important. It received over 100,000 signatures, and claimed Morgan was trying to undermine our Second Amendment.  The Administration declined to act, citing the First Amendment.

iJack

Having said that, perhaps Apple could reduce that $850,000,000,000,000,000 some by making an iDeathStar smaller and lighter.  The prototype shown above is clearly made of cast-iron and has rivets.  Rivets!  Apple would machine it from a single block of titanium or aluminum.

iJack

The sweet spot for this market demographic would probably be at or slightly under $799,000,000,000,000,000.

wab95

iJack:

You’ve been on a roll this week. You should consider stand up comedy.

Shawcross’ closing comments are cross-generationally brilliant.

Lee Dronick

The new Gorilla Glass can stop a death ray.

wab95

Lee:

You have me wondering whether or not George Lucas, or a protégé, will do a sequel in which our fearless Jedi knights use their light sabres in one hand to take down bad guys, and their iPhones in the other to block death rays. I’m sure those bot and clone troops would be wielding Androids borne from those nether regions out in the Samsung arm of the galaxy.

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