Here’s a new idea for a thread - people who are stranded in the shallow end of the gene pool.

At the Smokefree Rockquest national finals (competition for high school bands)  last night, a band from Wairoa College drove for seven hours to get to Wellington. They found they had some time before they went out on stage. They slipped out the back for a smoke. They were caught. They were disqualified. They drove back home.

That previous one was silly, but this one is dumb ** 2.

Some hoons (translation from NZ/Oz: young men who, od’d on testosterone but not on brain cells, drive round in overpowered cars, kill each other and sometimes others) have been doing burn-outs, illegal street racing and filming themselves. Then they thought they were so cool, they’d post it on the internet.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/story.cfm?c_id=1&ObjectID=10351187

You wouldn’t believe the percentage of stupid people here. From politicians to trash-emptiers. It really gets on my nerves sometimes… Though I suppose it might be like that in every country.

I’m amazed that it took me so long to get a good one;

http://wcco.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_298112333.html

Police had to call for additional handcuffs and zip-ties to restrain the people they ended up arresting. All over a dispute that erupted during a birthday party for a 1 year old.

Unclear on the concept of “Parenting”.

D

And then there’s the one about the ATTORNEY that showed up drunk to the hearing for his second drunk driving conviction.

http://wcco.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_298111030.html

From this morning’s NZ Herald:

A motorist who had been out drinking last night drove his car to the Takapuna police station and parked it in a space reserved for patrol cars.

When asked what he was doing, he replied: “I am as p***ed as a parrot.”

He thought his car would be much safer if he left it overnight at the police station, while he tried to find another way home.

However he failed to factor in that he had driven his car 3km to the police station.

A breathalyser test showed him to be two and a half times the legal limit.

As a result, his licence has been suspended and he faces a court appearance next month.

This one was almost a Darwin Award winner. A 3 year old found a gun under the couch cushion (Strike One). The mother took the gun away, removed the clip, but did not clear the chamber (Strike Two). She then gave the gun back to the kid to play with (Strike Three). The kid promptly started playing with the gun and shot the mother in the leg.

http://wcco.com/topstories/local_story_071192507.html

I also got a kick out of the headline:
Gun Child Playing With Discharges, Striking Mother

Does anyone study Grammar any more?

Hey (hey) Keith (Keith) get outta that tree!
Hey (hey) Keith (Keith) get outta that tree!
Hey (hey) Keith (Keith) get outta that tree!
You silly old fart, you’re sixty-three!

Keith Richards ( NZ Herald latest ) fell out of a coconut tree in Fiji last week, and has had brain surgery to get rid of a subdural haematoma.

I wish him well, of course, but what did he think he was doing?

Using Petrol to wash clothes

In a laundry room with a gas fired hot water heater.

http://wcco.com/topstories/local_story_156072054.html

“can any of us imagine a circumstance, no matter how dire, under which we would willingly dive head-first into a pool of boiling water?”

“Our advice is to apply the same rule to architecture as you do to computers: Don’t ever bet your life on windows not crashing.”

Inmate includes own name in bomb, anthrax threats

[quote author=“Reuters”]A prison inmate pleaded guilty today to sending letters to the FBI and secret service that included bomb and anthrax threats—as well as his full name and inmate number.
Donald Ray Bilby, 30, pleaded guilty in US District Court in Trenton to one count of false information and hoaxes after he sent five letters demanding authorities deposit US$20,000 ($32,568) in his county jail inmate account because he needed money for bail, the US Attorney’s Office said.
“I think it’s fair to say we were not dealing with a great criminal mind here,” US Attorney Christopher Christie said in a statement.
Bilby signed all the letters using his full name and inserted his inmate number beneath his signature. One letter to the FBI included demands for money, a piece of paper labelled “anthrax” and a white powdery substance that turned out to be harmless.
He faces a maximum of five years in prison after first serving a sentence for automobile theft.

In Australia too

A guy vacationing in Australia got lost in the bush for three days. After being rescued he went back to find something he’d lost, and got lost in the bush again.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/merseyside/5341298.stm

Quote; “I felt a bit daft”

No kidding Sherlock. Maybe wilderness vacations aren’t a good idea for you.

5 teenagers were sitting in a car with the windows rolled up tight huffing Butaine. Then one of them decided to have a smoke.

Not quite a Darwin Award, but surely not far off…

A man in Indiana who duct-taped what his girlfriend described as a “large mortar-style firecracker” to a football helmet he was wearing was badly hurt when it exploded. Kaleb Spangler, 21, was with friends in a car when he lit the fuse and waited for the bang. He had been drinking.

He’d been drinking, eh? So that’s all right then.

:o

If he dies from his injuries, it’s a Darwin Award in my book.