New iMac Isn't Ugly, Compared To Intel's Vision Of The Future PC
"You know, that new iMac minds me a' Coach Parker, my ole high school history teacher," said Mac Daddy, best friend, fellow Mac polygamist, grammar agnostic and unabashed malaprop. "That ole white man shole is smarter than I thought he was."
I remember Coach Parker. Wasn't he the teacher who would come in every morning and begin class with, "Good morning all of you beautiful people. And, good morning, Mac Daddy."
"Yeah! Rat bastard. I member one day, he kept wise crackin' on me. I told him that if he didn't leave me alone, I was gone come to class two days straight next week."
(Laughing). It was 15 minutes before we could get him to talk again and resume his discussion on the 1588 defeat of the Spanish armada. But what does Coach Parker have to do with the new iMacs?
"Hey, man, you notice that all of our history teachers' first name was "Coach"?
But what does that have to do with the new iMac?
"A lot. Member that day I told Coach Parker he was ugly? He said, 'if you wanna look prettier than you really are, just stand next to somebody uglier than you are'."
(Laughing harder). And then he went and stood next to you.
"Bastard. But that was the smartest thing he said. I think that Jon Ivy man must have had Coach Parker for history, too."
"I mean that that new iMac didn't look good to me, until I looked at those Concept Pee Cees that Intel like to brag about. After that, the iMac ain't so ugly."
I do remember you incessantly calling it the "iLamp." So, are you saying that you take back those derogatory comments about the new iMac? And what Intel Pee Cees are you talking about? Intel doesn't make Pee Cees. They only make processors.
"Somebody need to tell them that. It's just like Steve Jobs said."
"He said that he looked at Intel's 'Concept Pee Cees,' and didn't see not a one that looked good, so they had to go and make one that look good. Real good."
Did he specifically mention Intel's PC-of-the-future web site?
"I said I heard him, didn't I? You think I smoke dope or sump'n?"
(I just look at him and say nothing.)
"Anyway· I went and looked at those Intel Pee Cees. Then I went and looked at Apple's iMac video. All I'm gone say is that Intel cain't call nobody's computer ugly no more. That's all."
You know, I had the same change of heart. When I first saw the new iMac, I hated it. But when I began to look at what's out there, and how much this iMac really makes the old ones look like legally blind dates, I must admit that Apple has made one hell of a machine. And it looks like there are others who agree with me.
"It don't matter if you like it; you know you ain't gone get that woman of yours to let you buy one. Boy, you whipped."
That's not being "whipped." That's mutual respect and consideration between a man and a woman. (Mac Daddy throws his arm at me in a snapping motion and makes whipping sounds.)
"It don't matter. You might not get no new iMac, but I will. I got plenty of extra money now."
You? Ha! Where will you get the money? You squander all of your disposable income on marijuana!
"I used to spend all my money on marijuana. But I gave up that sweet ganja after looking at those Intel Pee Cees."
"Those Pee Cees are the best reason not to smoke dope. If they think that's the best they can come up with after throwing all that Intel money at it, they must be smoking some powerful weed. So after that, I don't even want a cigarette. Who wants they mind to trip like that?"
Rodney O. Lain is not Mac Daddy, because Rodney understands subject-verb agreement. When he isn't splitting infinitives, he writes his iBrotha column for The Mac Observer, as well as the occasional editorial. Rodney lives in Minnesota, where he is an IT supervisor for The Man at a Fortune 50 company.
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