No Topic This Week, We're Bored
July 5th, 2000

Gary: Why are you looking so down, man? Did your love doll go flat again?

Randy: Bite me, hosehead. I can't think of something to talk about this week.

Gary: Yeah, I was having the same problem. We seem to be in that pre-Macworld Expo lull.

Randy: So, I was wasting some time while I figured out a topic.

Gary: Oh yeah? What are you doing to waste time?

Randy: Well, I was poking around Apple's site, and I noticed the Apple - Games page.

Gary: Cool! You sure wouldn't have found a games page on Apple's web site a while back.

Randy: Yeah. Remember how Apple had this big chip on its shoulder about how it thought the Mac was perceived as a toy? Can you believe they actually downplayed the game-playing abilities of the Mac to prove it was a serious computer?

Gary: What nincomputer geeks they were. Get it?

Randy: The puns aren't really working for you this week, buddy.

Gary: So let's check out this games page.

Randy: It's pretty neat. They have news of upcoming releases, and some pretty awesome QuickTime movies.

Gary: Wow, what's this? I haven't heard of this game: 4 x 4 Evolution. Let's play the QuickTime trailer and see what its all about.

An actual picture of what the Idiots are seeing
in the 4x4 evolution movie right now!

(three minutes later)

The Idiots: Whoa! That game is going to rule!

Gary: Those are some pretty impressive graphics. It looks like a better version of the Test Drive: Off-Road series for the Playstation. The physics seem to be tuned for a little less realism, which translates to super high-flying, dune-jumping, pants-shaking fun!

Randy: What the hell are you talking about?

Gary: I have no idea. But the game looks pretty cool.

Randy: Man, there are a lot of great titles coming out for the Mac. The Apple - Games page also has a killer QuickTime trailer for the Mac version of HumanHead Studios awesome Viking adventure Rune.

Ragnar from Rune demonstrates Viking shaving techniques.

Gary: Oh man, this games looks hot. It's built in an enhanced version of the Unreal engine, so the graphics are stupendous. The game brings to life Norse mythology and warrior heroes in a battle of courage and skill. You play Ragnar a young viking entering into his rite of passage. You must face man and beast to earn you place in the clan beside your father.

Randy: And you get to smash things with a really big mallet!

Gary: Yeah, smash...good.

Randy: And the Apple - Games page also has a great piece of QuickTime Footage of Fly! 2K the follow-up to Terminal Reality's outstanding flight simulator Fly!. Terminal Reality builds on top out their already top notch flight sim adding more sky effects, more maps with more elevation information, and support for Rodger Wilco. So now you can fly with your friend and voice chat just like the big boys do in the real planes.

Gary: Actually I have already seen this title on the shelves of my local Stop and Save Software store. It's around $27.00, and available right now! So if you are just itching for a new game title and you can't wait for the new game announcements at MacWorld Expo New York in later this month then snag a copy today and get high! High in the sky... I mean. Like you would if you were a real pilot....guy...person.

Randy: Man, a new title for less than $30. After I change my Depends, I'll be heading out for a Fly!-by-shooting. And I'll pop a cap in a copy of Fly! 2K.

Gary: Man, you are such an anglo-idiot. That was terrible. Did you sit there just thinking up that right now?

Randy: Maybe.

Gary: Do you even know what you said? You said you were going to shoot at a boxed copy of this game.

Randy: Oh! That's no good. Perhaps I should stick to my own hood and buy it the old fashion way. Online!

Gary: You're learning. Never use your muscles to do something you can use the Internet to make someone else do for you.

Randy: I am totally excited about Diablo II from Blizzard Entertainment. We are still wasting time playing the first Diablo on Battlenet. But the sequel promises even better graphics with hardware support, a more complex storyline, and tons more hours of gameplay.

Gary: What makes Diablo so great is that it successfully blends different game styles together. There's action, there's adventure, there's role-playing, there's strategy, but not so much strategy that you just want to go on a killing rampage and take some hostages, and hole up somewhere, just begging some SWAT team to come and -

Randy: Whoa there, camperino! What are you talking about?

Gary: I just don't like strategy games that much.

Randy: Well there are lots other games coming to the Mac according to the Apple - Games page. Like The Sims, Warbirds and more. And another cool thing about Apple's game page is that it has links to the latest versions of Apple game software, like Game Sprockets. Of course, when I followed that link, I got a type 500 error, citing a Lotus Notes exception.

Gary: Lotus Notes?!? What the hell is going on?

Randy: Well, as long as we are going to criticize the page, we might well mention another point. While it is a good source of Mac gaming info, it isn't comprehensive. For example, there is no mention of Baldur's Gate's forthcoming release on the Mac. Thanks to the hard working kids at GraphSim for that one. And there's no mention of the newly released Tomb Raider - The Last Revelation for Mac either. Speaking of which, the fine folks at Westlake Interactive just recently released a demo of Last Revelation. It's ten megs O'fun, be sure and check it out.

Laura in Tomb Raider the last Revelation.
She's back and she still hasn't changed clothes yet!

Gary: So I'm not saying Apple's Games page is a replacement for the great Mac game Web sites out there, like Inside Mac Gaming or Or our personal favorite Mac Gamers Ledge. But still its nice to see Apple using it's high volume Web site to help promote gaming on the Mac platform.

Randy: Gee, it sure would be great if you could buy these games right through Apple's site too. Like a store within a store kind of thing. That would really show game developers that Apple Computer is serious about getting these great games into the hands of every Mac owner out there. Ahhh, but who are we? We're no marketing genius or anything.

Gary: In fact some would say we are just a couple of Idiots.

Randy: I hate it when your folks call us that.

Gary: Well, we still haven't solved our problem.

Randy: I know. After all of these columns it sure is hard to come up with a topic sometimes.

Gary: Well, keep thinking, man. We'll come up with something.