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The Apple Stores: At Least 25 More Places to Waste Time
May 22nd, 2001

Randy: Hey Gary, I guess you heard the big news.

Gary: You're going to go through with your lobotomy?

Randy: No, dillweed. I'm talking about the grand opening of Apples first retail store, EVER!

Gary: Oh, that's big news too.

Randy: You bet it is. After years of being frustrated with the few retail outlets that carry Apple products and the shoddy treatment retail sales goons give Macintosh computers, it's going to be great to have a place where I can finally go and be a Mac-head among friends.

Gary: Oh yeah! A place where I can take my clothes off and crawl on top of the beverage cart and…

Randy: Whoa there! I'm not sure where you are talking about Gary, but I'm talking about the new Apple store in McLean, Va., which is the first, along with one in Glendale, Ca of 25 announced Apple Stores nationwide.

Gary: Oh! That Apple Store. Sorry, I lost my mind. Just for a minute. Let me try that again:

You said it brother! Amen!! Finally a place that shows all the cool and creative stuff Macs can do. Including all the software that is available, the third party hardware and solutions that are out there for Mac users.

Randy: And prospective Mac users. Apple is hoping with the opening of this store and others like it in the coming months, to lure consumers, and even current PC users inside and give them a chance to play with an Apple computer and see what it can really do.

Gary: Imagine walking into an Apple store and picking up a DV camcorder and filming your friends or family in the store and making your own iMovie on one of the iMacs or G4s. And then burning that to a DVD right there in the store to take home and share with your friends. That's the kind of show and tell that makes people understand just how fun and easy a Mac is to use.

Randy: Or imagine stepping up to a new iBook and surfing the web through a super fast Airport connection to collect a killer playlist of MP3s that you can burn to a CD-R disc to jam to at home.

Gary: I can't wait for an Apple store to open in the Houston Galleria.

Randy: Here in New York, I've already been down to the Prince Street and Green Street location in Soho. Right now it's just a huge empty store front with a giant dumpster out front. But by this summer it will be my new favorite hang out.

Gary: Wow, you're going to give up your spot staring at the ladies dressing room in Victoria's Secret?

Randy: Well, not everyday.

Gary: When and if an Apple store makes it to Houston, I would love to work there. As a consultant, I showed folks the power of their Mac. Now I could do it at a great location for a lot more people. And I probably wouldn't get calls on my home phone because some nut was poking around his System folder and threw away his Finder because, after all, I had just upgraded him to a new OS that had Sherlock, so he thought he didn't need that old Finder anymore.

Randy: It happened.

Gary: Ah, the joys of self-employment. But who knows? Maybe one day soon I will get to have a cool black T-shirt with a white Apple logo that I can wear with pride.

Randy: I'm not sure the Apple Store can pay you consultant's fees...

Gary: Who cares? It would be fun!

Randy: I think (and hope) that the Apple Stores will be a success. There is so much misinformation about our favorite platform that Apple doesn't stand a chance of making inroads unless all those Windows users get to really see a Mac in action.

Gary: For example, a CEO of a company that I worked for in New York actually thought that there was only one application for Macs: Photoshop. I had to give him a PowerBook to use so he would understand.

Randy: And I went into a store just yesterday wearing my Apple cap.

Gary: Geek.

Randy: You have one too. Anyway, the clerk asked me what I thought of the new Apple Stores. I said I thought they would be a great success. He said but there is no software for Macs. I corrected him politely, and asked if he would be going to the Apple Store when it opens. He said of course he was and that it looked awesome.

Gary: Sounds like this is getting off to a good start.

Randy: The strategy of putting the Apple Stores in high profile, touristy locations makes sense too. A lot of people new to that location are going to stumble on this awesome toybox of a store and pop in. A lot of expensive impulse buying happens while you're on vacation.

Gary: You'll have a great new iBook to keep you company after your wife leaves you. Woohoo!

Randy: Well, if you excuse me, I have some work to do.

Gary: Like what?

Randy: I am drawing up plans for connecting helipads on the roof of my building to the roof of the Apple Store. If Steve Jobs can do it, so can I.

Gary: I'm going to go put on my black turtleneck!

Randy: I'm going to listen to some Grateful Dead and eat some steamed vegetables!

Gary: Oh, yeah? Well, I am going to grow a beard, shave it off, and then grow it back!

Randy: Hey, when does that restraining order expire? About a year from now?

Gary: Eleven months, seventeen days, and twelve hours.

Randy: See you then, Steve!

Disclaimer: Please do not stalk Steve Jobs. He is a very busy man. Also, he may yell at you and really hurt your feelings. We know.

Gary Randazzo and Randy Soare are the co-founders of IWS Interactive, a New York based game developer for Macintosh. The IWS in IWS Interactive stands for Idiots With Sticks. How that came about is a long and boring story, but suffice it to say that at four in the morning, it seemed like a good idea.

The demo for IWS Interactive's upcoming mystery-adventure game, Manhattan Apartment Hunter, has recently been released to rave reviews. The Idiots have been into gaming on Apple computers even before the Mac was around. Does anyone remember Choplifter on the Apple IIe? (Boy, we know we do.) Now, they are committed to help ensure that the Mac remains the premiere gaming platform on the planet.

You can email your comment and suggestions to Randy at , and Gary at .

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