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New Polish On The Old Apple
June 5th, 2001

Gary: Hey, Randy, what do you think of my new look?

Randy: Hmmm, well it's different.

Gary: Just like Apple Computer, I'm thinking different.

Randy: Well, I do like the fact that you are no longer wearing a dress. The swim fins are a nice touch, but I think the beaver pelt hat is a bit too much. It starts to make you look a little too, uh, Jethro Bodine.

Gary: That's just the effect I'm going for. I want to set myself apart from the crowd and show people my unique and special individuality.

Randy: Oh, you most definitely look "special." Do you ride in a short bus to school?

Gary: Cool, thanks for the, er, hey! Wait a minute…

Randy: Let me just guess what this is all about. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts your new "look" has something to do with all the changes that are happening at Apple Computer lately.

Gary: Have I gotten that predictable?

Randy: Yes, and so has this column.

Gary: Well then it's a good thing that our favorite computer company can still keep surprising us.

Randy: Yeah, thank the baby Jesus on a stick for that. Apple Computer has once again recreated itself this year, and with its change, inevitably so the rest of the industrial world changes.

Gary: It seems like Apple and their El Capitan Steve Jobs have picked up a thing or two from Madonna. Apple is once again shedding its old skin and wowing the world with a whole new look and feel for Mac users.

Randy: And for future Mac users.

Gary: A few years ago, Apple's design team blew the world away with the friendly and colorful iMac computer.

Randy: At first the critics scoffed at the idea of an attractive computer, but within a few months everybody who made any appliance of any kind was copying Apple's style. So much so that today everything you buy looks like an iMac. Even my dust buster handvac has a translucent blue cover on it.

Gary: Testify! Apple singled handedly changed they way industrial designers designed their products all over the world. Today everything looks like an iMac. My TV set, my hair dryer, even my George Forman Lean Mean Grilling Machine looks like an iMac. In fact, practically every computer I have seen in a movie or on TV these days is now an Apple machine as well.

Randy: But just when everybody started to get comfy on the "me too" bandwagon Apple has turned the tables once again.

Gary: Well just like Madonna, you gotta keep em' guessing. Mmmmmm, Madonna….

Randy: Apple has aggressively moved from the colorful rounded styles that defined the Macintosh machine of yesterday, to a new sexy style that packs all of the features consumers have been asking for into the slickest, tiniest and most eye-poppingest cases to ever wrap a computer.

Gary: The first two new designs for Apple are already out, the brilliant new iBook and the jaw-dropping PowerBook G4. Both are major departures from the previous designs, and both have received major praise from the mainstream press and Apple critics alike.

Randy: I've read a few reviews where you can actually feel the drool dripping out of the reviewer's mouth as they lay praise to the new machines.

Gary: Uh, gross. Dude, you need to read some different magazines.

Randy: But there is still more to come from the hardware department at Apple. Rumor has it that new G4 boxes and iMac computers are due for a pretty extreme design change as well in the very near future.

Gary: But let's look at Apple "beyond the box," to steal a phrase from Captain Steve. It's not just Apple's hardware that's changing. Apple is changing the operating system in a huge way. Apple is changing the way they sell computers. And probably most important of all, Apple is changing the way we use computers.

Randy: With OS X, Apple is going to be the biggest vendor of UNIX in the world. This means big things for the Mac. First, a lot of UNIX apps that would never have seen the light of day on a Mac are being ported over as we speak and many more are coming.

Gary: For example, there are 3D apps , such as Maya, that are coming to OS X. This is really big, because the Mac is considered a second-class citizen in the world of 3D modeling and animation. All those NT boxes and SGI machines will have some new competition. I don't think Mr. Jobs will blink at the opportunity to create a new Pixar flick with Macs.

Randy: Second, Apple is changing the way the world sees Macs, if they ever see them at all. The new Apple Stores will ensure that a lot of people that never even touched a Mac, much less considered them for purchase, will be able to get their hands on the coolest computers out there.

Gary: The last point that we should mention is that Apple is promoting Macs in a whole new way. A digital hub that connects your life. Generally, when Steve is on to something, the industry takes notice.

Randy: And rips off Apple like nobody's business. For example, a certain evil chipmaker that uses clowns or mimes or a twisted mix of the two to try to sell processors (nice try, boneheads), has a brand new slogan that is eerily similar. Something about the chip being the center of your digital life.

Gary: Once again it is clear that Apple Thinks Different and the rest of the industry says, "Yeah, me too!" Guess the blue mimes ain't doing it for you, huh? And I am aware I said ain't.

Randy: Okay, so we came up with a lame reason that you are dressed that way, but I have to ask why you are standing by an open window, and why is your mattress on the street below?

Gary: That's your mattress, dude.

Randy: I have a feeling it won't be for long. What's the deal?

Gary: Remember when Phil Schiller jumped off a ledge at MacWorld New York 1999 with an iMac to demonstrate the wireless abilities of Airport? Well, I have always wanted to the same thing.

Randy: There is so much wrong with this that I don't know where to begin. First of all, Phil jumped about twenty feet. You are eight stories above the ground.

Gary: Phil's an old guy.

Randy: Phil used a professional stuntman airbag to land on. That is an old foam mattress from college that hurts to sleep on.

Gary: Once again, Phil: old guy. All I have to do is land on my back and everything should be fine. Here I go!

Randy: And Phil used an iBook, not an iMac.

Gary: What!?! Aaaaaauuuuuggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!

Randy: Oh, holy Lord! Wow! Who would have guessed he would have bounced? Oh, that poor old lady….

Hey, dude! You got bones and organs all over our iMac!

Gary: Someone…got…iMac…all…in…my…bones…and…organs……..

Randy: Guess we all saw that one coming. Until next time, folks.

Gary Randazzo and Randy Soare are the co-founders of IWS Interactive, a New York based game developer for Macintosh. The IWS in IWS Interactive stands for Idiots With Sticks. How that came about is a long and boring story, but suffice it to say that at four in the morning, it seemed like a good idea.

The demo for IWS Interactive's upcoming mystery-adventure game, Manhattan Apartment Hunter, has recently been released to rave reviews. The Idiots have been into gaming on Apple computers even before the Mac was around. Does anyone remember Choplifter on the Apple IIe? (Boy, we know we do.) Now, they are committed to help ensure that the Mac remains the premiere gaming platform on the planet.

You can email your comment and suggestions to Randy at , and Gary at .

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