A little more than a year ago, I wrote a column explaining why it would not make economic sense for Apple to port OS X to x86. This column took the form of an imaginary conversation with a PC Drone that was loosely based on the many arguments I have personally encountered on this subject. It was a brilliant bit of writing, if I do humbly say so myself, so check it out if you are interested in the subject.

Since that time, some of the clamor for OS X on x86 has died down, in part because of the G5. The G5 is fast enough that Mac users sick and tired of Motorola's inability to move the G4 forward could relax and buy a Power Mac. There may still be a movement out there for OS X on x86, but that's not the point of today's "column." Instead, we have gathered to make mock of a lemming.

That column got 72 comments at last count, one of which was posted just yesterday. I went to go see it, as I sometimes check old articles that get new comments (many such posts on old articles are solicitations for warez). It won't surprise anyone, of course, that the comments for that piece quickly degenerated into a Mac vs. Wintel flame fest.

While I was there, however, I saw a post by one "psyco_mantis" that was made about a month ago. Mr. Mantis is a lemming of the worst kind, one languishing in the misinformation of the 1990s. His post was so ignorant, poorly written, and ill-informed, I thought it would be great to highlight that ignorance in a more public way. Yes, I can be that petty, sometimes, but this post is just that bad.

So, I present to you the mad ravings of psyco_mantis, complete and unedited:

Subject: yes, macs do, in fact, suck
Poster: psyco_mantis (2/17/2004, 11:09 am EST)

A long time ago macintosh had a real company that had values and stability but I am sorry to say that age is over. The macs of today are nothing but PC emulators that can barely handle even the most mundane task. Their GUI's are laughable and what the hell is up with the one button mouse? What kind of a retard goes out any buys this bright green monitor with a half-assed computer crammed in the back (imac) and a mouse that has ONLY 1 BUTTON!?! My god is it really that hard to handle 2 buttons. The only reason mac's sorry excuse for a company is still around is because Microsoft keeps giving them money so they don't get sued for being a monopoly again. And this latest devlopment by mac- the ipod- was a miserable failure. What kind of a moron goes out and buys a mp3 player that only works for 18 months? That would be like buying a new car with the gas tank welded shut. Well I guess the only moron that would buy that piece of crap is the same one that can't handle a 2 button mouse and buys non-upgradeable systems in crazy-ass color schemes that look like the designer was stoned out of his mind when he made them. Well mac users- good luck with all that and when you finally realize you want to buy a real computer PC's are literaly everywhere. I can;t belive you have missed them thusfar. And to all you PC users out there lets take a moment to laugh our asses off at there people.

I am not sure if it's necessary to correct all 7 factual errors in this post, but for a quickie: My Mac handles mundane tasks very well, is much more than a PC emulator, and has the best GUI on the planet. Also, Microsoft made one investment in Apple, not repeated investments, but yes, it was intended to keep the DoJ off Big Redmond's back. The iPod is the #1 music player, which hardly qualifies as "miserable failure." Apple hasn't sold the multi-color iMac in more than a year before that post was made, but it was a huge success while it was available. Oh, and I am writing this using my 5-button Microsoft mouse because Apple's 1-button mouse does indeed suck. The rest of his opinions are just that, opinions, and as such are subject only to more mocking, not correcting.

That's about it. A silly excuse for a column, to be sure, but I firmly believe that the idiots among us that are willfully ignorant need to be mocked, and mocked at great length. Accordingly, I want psyco_mantis to know that I got quite the chuckle at his expense.