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My wife and I steal each others contact info  

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This is both MacOS and iOS, probably an iCloud thing.  

Currently, my phone (and MacOS account) think I'm my wife.  If I do something with Siri, she calls me by my wife's name and if I try to enter info in a web page (name, email, etc.), it is  my wife's information that can be autofilled. 

I know I can switch this under iOS under settings -> Siri & Seach -> My information or my contact info as "My Card" under Contacts on MacOS seems to do the same thing.   If I switch using either method, then my wife's phone this that she is me.  

We each have separate apple IDs that are under family sharing.  We do both share a contact list under separate (not hers or mine) Apple ID.  

This has been going on a few months (pre- iOS 13).  We both have our phones up to date and MacOS is on Catalina. 

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I think I found an answer. First, I'm sure it was the fact that we were sharing the same contact list via a 3rd apple ID. Somehow it must be that within the contact list that a contact was flagged as the "My Info" contact as opposed to each of our accounts "pointing" to a contact, which makes more sense to do. 

To get around this, I first turned off the Contacts setting on the 3rd apple ID and enabled Contacts on my primary ID. Then I copied over my info as the only contact in my primary ID contact list and selected it as my info under Contacts. I then turned back on the 3rd apple ID contact list and things seem to be okay.

However, I needed to do this on my iPhone, a separate laptop as well to get it working on everything.

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