iOS: That Stupid [Bleep] Siri and Its [Bleep] Nicknames

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Reddit user dougy2 has figured out a pretty hilarious way to make Siri sound like it’s cursing but being bleeped out. It’s funny even if you’re not mentally twelve years old like I am, so I think you should check it out! Here’s the scoop: As you may know, you can tell Siri to call you by a nickname rather than your first name just by invoking the voice assistant and saying “Call me [whatever].”

From then on, whenever Siri would normally say something like “I’m not sure I understand, Melissa,” it’ll use your nickname instead. Which is funny in and of itself if you’ve forgotten the ridiculously inappropriate nickname you used, and Siri then calls you that in front of your mom, your three-year-old, or a client. Not that I (ahem) have any experience with that situation.

Anyway, dougy2 pointed out that Siri pronounces asterisks with a loud beeping noise, so once you format your command a bit, you can get your phone to call you “mother-BEEP” or “you giant pile of BEEP” or whatever makes you happy. So first, invoke Siri by holding down the home button, and then say “Call me [name]” (including saying the word “asterisk” whenever you want a beep to happen):

As discussed in the Reddit thread, Siri kind of lumps the asterisk in with the words or letters before it, so the first time it attempts to pronounce your new nickname, it won’t be right. Luckily, that’s really easy to get around, and you don’t have to use special characters or anything like that. Scroll up a bit to access the phrase you just said to Siri, and tap to edit it as I’m doing below. 

Use your keyboard to add spaces around each asterisk and press “Done.” Then Siri’ll ask you to confirm.

Once you agree that you totally wanted that nickname, you can then say “What’s my name?” to Siri to let the good times roll.

OK, I’ve been having a lot of fun messing around with this, so thanks, dougy2. This is some hard-hitting journalism, folks. Hard. Hitting. 


NOTE: If you decide you’re gonna do this, be careful with whom you share your contact card. Siri adds this nickname to whatever card you’ve designated as you within the Contacts app, and if you then send that info to someone else, the nickname will go riiiiiight along with it. Not ideal if your boss doesn’t have the best sense of humor, so tread lightly!

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That’s great/ Too bad Siri doesn’t work correctly 95% of the time. Maybe Apple should fix Siri to work instead of stuff like this or having Siri beatbox.

Siri - pretty worthless. And yet Apple is not embarrassed by just how bad Siri is.

Lee Dronick

Good one Melissa!

As to how well Siri works. I find that “she” does very well most of the time, but the 5% of the time that she doesn’t gets her and I into some good arguments.

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