Microsoft Math: Add 1 to Windows 8 and You Get Windows 10?

Microsoft unveiled its grand plan for moving past the Windows 8 legacy, which is to skip a number and go straight to Windows 10. Hey, wow. It's just like OS X 10.10 Yosemite! Imagine that?

SO. MANY. JOKES. Seriously. I want to make all of the jokes, but it feels like bullying the kid waiting for the short bus.

Wait, wait. Here's one. Windows 8. It's like Windows 9, but it's one louder. In a related note, Microsoft announced the hiring of Nigel Tuffnel as its new Chief Naming Officer.

Wait, wait. Here's another. Hey, Microsoft. Why not cut to the chase and call it MSX?

No, really. Here's the last one: NO ONE IS FOOLED, MICROSOFT! It's still Windows.

According to The Seattle Times (via AppleInsider), Terry Myerson, head of the operating systems group, "joked" with journalists during a briefing that Windows 9 would have made sense. I'm guessing that's some kind of play on adding 1 to 8, but who knows?

He also said that Windows One would have been in keeping with Microsoft's Xbox naming strategy. Which is true, as long as you can ignore the fact that Microsoft's Xbox naming strategy is devoid of anything discernible as "reasonable," "logical," or "not weird."

“Windows 10 represents the first step of a whole new generation of Windows,” he said.

Uh huh.

Oh, it has a new hybrid Start button. That's cool.

And here's something novel: Microsoft VP Joe Belfiore said that rather than designing its desktop operating system for touch first—because that was frakking stupid—touch will instead be treated as an extension to keyboard and mouse.

That's a refreshing touch of sanity from the company that looked at the success of the iPad and deduced that what people really wanted was a keyboard on their tablet and touch on their desktops. Not to put too fine a line on it, but that was frakking stupid. It can't be emphasized enough. Seriously, it will go down in business history as one of the most idiotic decisions in Big Tech history.

To that end, Mr. Belfiore acknowledged that, “Windows 8 focus on touch was trying to salute the idea that people would be productive on these touch devices but we didn’t quite get it right."

And that might go down as one of the biggest understatements of all time. But still, it's good to see new CEO Satya Nadella his company.

Except for this naming thing. Windows 10? It's really weird.