A new meme of complaining to mommy Apple that your iPhone is too addictive is gaining momentum amongst a growing bastion of meek minds hiding their shortcomings behind their favorite veil of victimhood.
Today, Apparently, Polls = Movement
The latest attention-whore gambit by busy bodies avoiding their own failings in life by wasting everyone’s time is sad… I mean SSAAD (Stanford Students Against Addictive Devices). These geniuses cite (in a PDF that looks like a ransom note) a poll by Common Sense Media. Sure, that doesn’t sound like a group with a blatant agenda at all, not. A poll! Those things are always accurate. So you know, science!
Why not other addictive things?
I wish they would move to more pressing things that we are all addicted to. Here’s a partial list of things people are addicted to based on a totally scientific poll where I picked people by flinging (organic) pudding at a mirror:
- Mattresses (I’m absolutely addicted to sleeping like 8hrs a day and just ignoring everyone and everything)
- Chairs (I sit like 8-10 hrs a day when I could be frolicking in fields smelling roses)
- Plumbing (we collectively waste hours upon hours at showers, sinks, faucets, tubs)
- Toilets (how much countless time have we all wasted there)
- Kitchens (evil places sucking up countless hours with its apps including coffee, cutlery, microwave ovens, stoves, etc.)
- Bottled water (people walk around these days hydrating way too much and looking like giant toddlers constantly nursing from their water bottles)
- Food (it seems like half of my waking days are spent figuring out what I want to eat; what a time waster)
- Refrigeration (I waste untold hours just standing in front of the thing searching, for what, I don’t even know; that dirty, addictive fridge)
- HVAC (people in my household spend untold time tweaking the temperature up/down, down/up—it’s an endless parade of obsessive, time-wasting behavior)
- Cars (hours a day lost, just going here, there, selfishly disconnected from my fellow man)
- Credit cards and shopping (so many people are just addicted to going out and getting stuff they both need and want; they are addicted to commerce and consumerism)
- Sex (how much time do we all waste trying to find someone, then engaging in it endlessly over and over, disconnected from our communities (swingers excepted); years of peoples’ lives, just flushed down the toilet, addicted to the pursuit)
- Money (so many are just addicted to using it, thinking about it, what they would do with more of it, how to make more of it)
This ‘addiction’ meme is old
Each generation seems to have this boogie man of “this is too good, so it’s addictive, so…burn the witch” movement. First TV was too addictive and society will die. Then it was video games. Then computers. Then we were addicted to the internet. And yet, somehow, we have all collectively survived. Yet like other things in my overly sarcastic list above, people figured out these things are useful and people like using useful things. And using useful things are, in fact, good. Funny that.
Next: Just Because It’s Really Useful Doesn’t Mean It’s Bad